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Me and Nature

2003-04-29
Oh happy days!!! The first time I clicked on add an entry it actually let me add one!!

After the concert tonight my favorite mom (and I mean that...she really is my favoritest mom ever!) came over to me and asked me something to the extent of..."So, has it set in yet that you are truly graduating?" To be honest it really hasn't. I have been in the same groove for the past 18 years of my life, simply knowing graduation is coming really hasn't changed me all that much. I mean...I know death is eventually gonna catch up with me, but that doesn't mean I am all worried about it. I honestly don't think I am going to realize that I am gone and that I wil only get to talk to you all with my free long distance and my diaryland, until I am truly gone. It won't be until I am sitting in a quickly built cabin in the appalachian mountains all by myself that I will realize I am gone. And when it does hit it will just be me and nature, all alone sitting there wondering what is going to happen next. I can't thnk about this...I am gonna go into a spiral of depression.

I looked for ya, but kept getting pulled away by the adults. I looked after they had all left, but you had gone too.

I wish I could say that everything will be ok. I wish I could say that nothing will change. I wish I could stay in Brentwood and not go. I wish Purdue could come to me instead of my going 6 hours north to them. Its all so fuzzy. I wish I could know what is going to happen so then I wouldn't stress about it all the time. I need to stop depressing myself and stressing out.

My head is spinning...

The concert was amazing and was a great way to go. Does it have to end now? I was just starting to figure things out!

Jason<><

9:20 p.m.
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